Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
