Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
