So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
