my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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