I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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