WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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