the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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