Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need to calm my uterus...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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