what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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