Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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