every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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