his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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