You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
