You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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