Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
