he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
