No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
