i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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