he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
