Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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