So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
