Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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