in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
