Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You've changed since you got that strap on
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
