too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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