dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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