It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
