who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
