this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
