I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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