Pappa wants mamma naked
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
