Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
