First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
