i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
