at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
