I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
