so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
