i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
why does every cop we meet know your name?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
