highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
