Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
