i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
