well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
