why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
