just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
