I hate your face
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
