i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
please come you make the beer taste better
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
