She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
