he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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