I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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