she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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