i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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