I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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