As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
