She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
