It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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