Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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